A Mind Of My Own

I find it quite common with a lot of girls, when it comes to choosing what guy they go for they always want the one that is wrong for them, the one that treats them bad over the nice guy…whats wrong with the nice guy? (question that is still cannot be answered today)

In my opinion it goes back to the saying of “you want something you cant have…” maybe its the challenge that girls like or do they just like being treated bad…

In my experiences i find as soon as someone is too nice you get bored i like excitement but what comes with excitement is being let down. 

Normally if they are playing hard to get its because they are not serious about you but girls still seem to chase those guys and what guys gonna not take advantage of that… if they can have their cake and eat it to

Lesson to all you girls go for the one that likes you not the one you like 

Be in control dont be controlled 

Its not hard not to fall in that trap i think its always a mind thing you know the truth but you just cant help yourself

All my life i have always worried about what people think of me before i wore something, before i did something, before i said something. It never goes and its probably one of the biggest flaws in my personality. I feel like its out of my control. My brain over-thinks things i just wish for once i could live life on the edge, not give a F*** what other people thought of me. 

Its like i need reassurance from other people that its ok to be me. What comes with this annoying trait is that i have a low self esteem i guess, maybe its a low confidence too. I want to be able to wake up one morning just feel like i dont need anyone’s approval or anyones acceptance, just be who i am and be happy with that. I envy people that are soo chilled out about life in general and worry about the things that actually matter. I consistently feel like there’s something wrong with me, questioning myself. 

I am quite a strong minded person about things but since school i have always questioned myself, finding negative things about myself and never being happy with the way i am, the way i look etc but because i act a certain way people assume i am confident in myself. I think i am quite easily manipulated maybe even a little naive which isn’t a good thing because i think everyone just wants the best for me. 

Maybe the problem is i am still getting to know myself, i guess i am still growing as a person. I think its also the people you have around you. I have met a lot of people who are not real and its made me think thats its me thats the problem. A lesson i have recently learnt is not everyone wants the best for people, i don’t want to lose myself because of trying to please everyone and because of worrying about who other people want or expect me to be.

I am gonna be true to me myself and I :-)

From when i was tiny i used to do dance i grew up wanting to dance and perform, i have always been a shy person but when i danced it was different, confidence i didnt think i had came out of me and showed in my performance… before i performed i would be shaking nervously music came on and i was a different person. I just go into a bubble, a world of my own and forget people can see me. The good part is you don’t have to be yourself its like playing a character, i don’t think you can understand what i mean unless you perform yourself. Its all the excitement and energy built up to the performance. Its like if your a singer you build up to the performance and let out all your emotion. 

Beyonce says she is a different person on stage to what she is in real life, she has a alter-ego called sasha fierce. Unlike her i don’t have a name for the person i am when i perform. I always wanted to become a choreographer or get into contemporary dance, i love that style of dance because there is norrmally a story behind it.

But growing up you realise that it is a hard industry to crack and only strong confident determined people with amazing talent make it, some don’t. I had to quit dance when i was about 13/14 because of GCSE’s. I wish i had carried it on but my parents wanted me to do a degree in something that was a little bit easier to get a job in. 

My all time favourite movie is still Dirty dancing (will always be) and growing up i loved all dance movies flash dance, honey etc maybe because i dreamed one day i would become one. Hopefully when i finish university i can get back into just for fun. Maybe one day even open a dance school that would be amazing #Dreams 

It makes me angry when i see bitter people… i have met my fair share of pricks but i have respect for myself and wouldnt let anyone take advantage of me. The reason i go out with people who want to take me out and want to spend time with me is because then you know they actually want to be there Also because they have respect for me and are not just using me.

Most of people are bitter because they have been treated really badly and when they see other people treated a different way they make assumptions that its because those girls are “bitch’s” and boys are scared of them NO NO NO NO…

Its maybe because when you meet someone you set your standard of how you want to be treated.

I was brought up knowing what guys are like, i had a good male role model who respected my mother and treated her well and a female role model who was respected, around me. My mother always said most guys are after one thing and once they got it they run away which i believe is true. If you give it out why would they then want to be taking you on dates, spending money on you, when they got what they want and they know everytime they call you will give it to them. It makes sense to me you cant expect people to respect you if you don’t respect yourself.

My mother also used to tell me nobody will want to marry you if you have slept around. It may not be the actual case but what guy wants to be with a girl who has double their numbers it it a traditional view but one i believe in.  

It has got me somewhere i have expectations of how i want to be treated and i don’t want to be used for one thing soo i don’t offer it out on a plate. Everyone is different and gets respect in their own way. Even if the boy is a student that isn’t an excuse they also can live up to expectations. If they actually like you they will. 

the problem is many girls want love but think it comes from sleeping with someone when it doesn’t. Many fall into the trap saying they are taking advantage of the guy as my much as the guy is taking advantage of them but truth is they want what every girl wants someone who wants to be with them, they are only fooling themselves. That’s when people get hurt.

I think the resolution to this problem is one word RESPECT 

It is not just the woman’s fault i know some pretend to like you and people fall for their trap but that’s another story for another blog post.

(this is only my view and you might not agree with it, just because i believe it does mean everyone else should everyone is entitled to their own opinion and i am interested in other peoples opinions)